Otherwise known as the benefits and disadvantages of study abroad.
I’ve become one of those people.
I lived in England for half a year. I scampered about Europe for a month straight, pwned some exams then gave another quick run around Europe and now I get to say “that one time when I stumbled upon the Sacre Coeur at midnight in Monmartre and turned around to see the entirety of Paris light by the stars and the street lights.” And “this spaghetti carbonara reminds me of this one time in Italy when I drank wine in a small Italian restaurant with my friend and a stranger til 1am.”
To me, these people, were an elite class of pretentious assholes. And I wanted to be one of them so bad. And here I am. I’m a pretentious asshole! WOO!
Ok, hopefully not exactly that but instead of pretending I’m some kind of better person because I’ve travelled a bit, I just wanna recognize how fuckin lucky I am and who I am has definitely been influenced by all this crazy lucky shit.
I travelled alone, I travelled with people, I met crazy people, crazy-awesome people and straight-up assholes. I saw amazing things that there are just no words I can find to describe. I saw bizarre things I can’t find words to describe. And I hope I never forget it.
MORAL LESSON OF THE BLOG:
Don’t take shit for granted and appreciate the good shit you have. Don’t be a dick. That’s very loose butthole.
It’s weird how much your identity becomes wrapped up in foreignness.
I’m gonna run through the REACTIONS I’VE GOTTEN TO MY AMERICAN-NESS.
BRIT: N-n-no-no. No.
BRIT: ‘Ow do?
BRIT: That’ll be 5 quid.
Me: Hello there.
BRIT: I like America.
Most of the time, it’s three.
There’s a lot of shit we have to deal with as Americans because…
Well, because people hate us.
Death penalty, drug war, life begins 2 weeks before conception, ridiculous spending practices, and this guy
Most people experience Americans as loud, drunk, ignorant and arrogant assholes. Like this guy:
I’ve simultaneously become more and less patriotic since coming to England. Around the French, Finnish, Hungarians, Canadians, Brits and so on, I felt like I needed to shake ‘em and say—NO! WE’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT! I became a spokesperson for America.
"Well…we don’t have lemon bakewells in America but we have fribbles."
A good 90% of my conversations were comparing cultures with other people. It was fascinating and weird and amazing.
Me: “Yeah you put the parentheses around there.”
Brit: “The what?”
Me: “The…uh…parentheses?” *hand gesture*
Brit: “Oh! The bracket. I haven’t called them that since primary school.”
Did you know Santa actually lives in Finland, yeah, on EAR MOUNTAIN. and he doesn’t bring presents—leave the baby to do that job—
"wake up Baby Jesus, you need to go give future kids presents and shit."
No Finnish santa doles out punishments.
"Better hope you fuckin kids were good this year. Santa Claus is comin to town. MUAHAHA!"
YOU’VE MADE IT TO THE END OF THIS POST?? Wow. A PRIZE IS IN ORDER THEN: Have funny gif and life-advice.
AMERICANS, Don’t be this guy:
Come to terms with the fact that you are a tourist. Embrace it. Live it. LOVE IT. Be nice, don’t be ignorant, and listen. You’ll undoubtedly hear some crazy-ass stories.
[DISCLAIMER: Different rules apply when travelling short term. Sometimes you gotta lie your ass off and/or be a dick in order to not get ripped off. …But ya know…generally…don’t be a dick.]
SO WE GONNA BE BREAKIN SOME SIRIUS SHIT DOWN TODAY:
We are talking THE CULTURE OF NEWCASTLE AS SEEN THROUGH THE EYES OF A NERDY AMERICAN
In the clubs you come to expect and tolerate quite a lot:
So in Britain, you’ve got your CHAVS:
As the chavs grow up and become more interested in LOTS OF SEX, they evolve into a whole new kind of creature, more of a “Lad”. That is a technical term.
They have a very distinctive look, these douches. See figure 2 below
Observe the obviously fake tan, platinum blonde/otherwise dyed hair, tight/tiny/nonexistent clothing.
But contrary to the picture MTV UK gives of Newcastle (i.e. Geordie Shore, Figure 3) there are a lot of awesome things about Geordie culture.
Sure people in the UK, hell, in Europe on the whole are generally drinking or drunk, but the Geordies are rarely mean or violent. All the girls dress like it’s 150 degrees outside at all times but guys are actually pretty respectful. I never saw catcalling in Newcastle. There’s a lot of masculinity-proving going on everywhere, but drunk guys are always kissing each other and grabbing each other’s balls. I swear. All the time. People are really secure in their sexuality there and that’s really cool.
Newcastle is full of people calling you “love” and “pet” and holding the door and saying please, and thank you and excuse me. And they’re happy to help and just give you a smile. And they’re fucking funny.
(homework: Look up Ross Noble)
I fell in love with Newcastle and I’ll never forget it.
MORAL LESSON OF THE BLOG:
Sure, there are douchebags everywhere. Sometimes they’re called douches, sometimes they’re called chavs. Sometimes they’re called arseholes. But even amongst the lads, there’s an endearing sense of camaraderie. There are aces everywhere. It’s easy to forget that. Especially when your covered in the unidentifiable liquid some drunk Geordie who just spilled the contents of his cup on you.
Did this with a few other marvelous girls for Uni.
Some things I wish I knew.
1. Go to a grocery store and pretend to be British.
Grocer: That’s 5.49.
Me: Sorry, I’ve only got a 20.
Grocer: Need a bag?
Me: Nope, I’ve already got one.
And then I Walk away
…With my swag on.
2. Call a Scot British.
On second thought. Don’t do this. Don’t.
3. Ask a Brit to imitate an American accent,
then laugh and laugh
I’m gonna miss that.